How To Stop a Non-Stop Yapper

Sophia Yin, DVM San Francisco Chronicle 1999
For more information, refer to Dr. Sophia's book, "How to Behave So Your Dog Behaves" © 2004. TFH publishing
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Q: How can a dog bark for great lenghts of time. If I holler and scream for long, I lose my voice.

But seriously, I live between two houses with a dog on each property. Dog A barks at anyone who makes the slightest noise and continues to bark long after people (me) go into our houses. When I try to shush him he barks louder and faster. Dog B barks when other neighborhood dogs are barking. She's friendly and stops barking when I ask, but resumes after a short time. What can I do besides telling the owners to keep their dogs quiet during certain times?

Sleepless in Oakland

A: The solution to the barking dogs would be easy if they were your own. Keep them inside with the family, exercise them regularly so they're not looking for trouble, and teach them some manners. When they belong to someone else, it's a whole different ballgame. Here's what you might try.

Plan A:
Go to your neighbor real innocent-like and say, "Hi there. Did you know that Fido barks a lot when he's outside by himself. I hear that when they do that it's often because they need more exercise and mental stimulation. Have you thought about taking Fido to doggie day care, hiring a dog walker, enrolling him in obedience or agility classes, or even just keeping him inside?"

Hey, it could work. You never know. Some neighbors don't know their barking dogs are a disturbance. But if you hear Fido's owner laughing uncontrollably as he closes his door, proceed to plan b.

Plan B:
Go to the pet store and buy Fido a big, tasty knuckle bone (the really yummy ones) and next time you see the neighbor, bring it over to him and say, "Hi there. I brought this for Fido so he'd have something to do all day. My vet said it's a good idea to rotate between different toys each day. One day he can have a bone, the next day he can have a kong toy filled with low calorie frozen treats, and so on. And she said that it's a good idea to feed him his dry dog food meals by putting them in one of those toys they have to roll around. It makes breakfast and dinner more fun for them. Gives'm something to do. I think it's called a Buster cube. As in Buster Brown. That's B-U-S-T-E-R. Buster cube. You get them at a pet store."

Then hurry away before he asks why you, a person who owns no pets, are seeing a veterinarian.

So say Fido's good for a day or so but then starts barking again - no buster cube, no kong toy, no exercise. Now you have to play dirty. You're gonna take matters into your own hands. And it'll cost ya - money for dog treats and time for training. Yep. You're gonna do some training behind your neighbor's back.

But first, one more conversation with the neighbor. Like so:
"Hi there. You know, my friend just told me about her dog who had bad diarrhea from a food allergy. I didn't know dogs could have food allergies. Have you ever heard of that? Does Fido have any food allergies? How about heart problems or diabetes? On any medications?"

Once you get the scoop on any medical conditions, you can depart. But not too suddenly, he might get suspicious. If Fido has any special dietary considerations, your cover's blown. You'll have to confess your plans with your neighbor so that you can find out what treats are safe to use. Otherwise, proceed as follows.

For dog B who gets quiet on cue: When she barks, tell her "quiet" and when she stops, as she always does, give her a treat. Then walk into the house, and before she barks again, go out and reward her for being quiet. Keep repeating this and gradually build up the time between treats. If she ever barks between treats, you know you waited to long.

For the dog that barks louder when you holler, don't holler. He thinks your joining in. Instead, whenever you go outside, just toss treats to him. Pretty soon, he'll be your friend and won't have any reason to bark at you. Then whenever you notice he's quiet, randomly go outside and toss him a treat.

Now for a money-saving tip. When you first use treats, make them big and tasty so Fido notices them even in his excitement. You may have to peek over the fence to show the loot first. Once Fido gets the idea, go to the smallest treat that he notices.

Chances are good that with consistency, these methods will work for you, but in case you're actually planning to go through with the scheme be sure to spill the beans to your neighbor first. By this time he already thinks you're a little odd. If he catches you fattening his dog up, who know what he'll think.

© 1999 Sophia Yin, DVM No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without permission from Sophia Yin.
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